He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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