this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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