I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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