I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
