kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
