I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We left an ass print on the piano.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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