No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Ladies don't puke and tell
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