It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
