her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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