Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
