i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
