Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
