Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
