I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
