How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
