If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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