The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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