omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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