So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
