Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
