fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
