Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
