WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
