My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Alive.
So much puke
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
sex in a hospital.. check
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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