my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
