Me too!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
