omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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