Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
