Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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