I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
