Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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