you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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