i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
