Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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