Already got asked if we're dating
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
