I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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