I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
