her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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