shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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