my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize