He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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