I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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