Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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