i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
