We named our party play list daddy issues
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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