Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
