but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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