Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Boobs are out for the taking
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
BRING THE BAGELS
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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