Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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