So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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