just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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