I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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