If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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