Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
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