Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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