ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
