I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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