dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He kissed a someone with a penis
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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