He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
