I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Someone signed my nipple.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
