I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
