Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
