I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
