I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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