I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
