I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
