I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
