Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
