jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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