dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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