i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
