i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize