i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
God, I missed his penis.
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