he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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