Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We had to coat check the pizza.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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