drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
