but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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